1. Every Catholic—lay and cleric—would spend months talking about nothing except how to end the pornography problem among Catholics and worldwide.
  2. The mortal sin of pornography would be avoided as vigilantly as plague-stricken hospitals, especially if access to priests were limited.
  3. Catholics would wear modest clothes to Mass at least as much as masks are currently worn to Wal-Mart.
  4. Priests and biological fathers who make concessions out of laziness to the danger-at-hand would be held morally culpable for endangering more than just their own parish or family.
  5. Bishops would shut down the indiscriminate approach to Holy Communion  until every man was porn-free and every woman was birth-control free.
  6. Every diocese would put popularity, money and relevance at least temporarily on the back-burner until health was restored to souls.
  7. Every possible attempt—even seemingly inhuman attempts—would be executed by even lukewarm Catholics to avoid even one mortal sin of pornography.
  8. “Social distancing” would apply to everyone on the internet, and the more concerned Catholics would fully destroy their TVs, computers, smart phones and tablets.
  9. Friends considered simply to be a near-occasion of sin would be politely avoided.
  10. Jesus Christ would be obeyed even more than we’re currently obeying our government overlords.