FOCUS Breakout Sessions

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If you want to see something new and serious from me, see here.  But, on my Evernote,  I recently looked at this satire that my teammate and I had made a decade ago for an upcoming conference while working for FOCUS (also in Virginia, where I am now—but back in 2004.)   Forgive a few inside jokes, but here’s our FOCUS conference breakout-session title suggestions, mostly still valid suggestions for the next one:

  • Protestants: Friend or Foe?
  • Rainforest Decline: Ecoterrorism and the Catholic.
  • How I made it to Life on the Rock.
  • Dare We Hope that All Be Saved?
  • Why Lord of the Rings was, like, totally Catholic.
  • Fashion Tips for the New Evangelization
  • FACT: What it originally stood for.
  • Christendom vs. Steubenville: When will the war begin?
  • MTV and the Jesuits: “Keepin’ It Real” on the way to hell.
  • Breakout sessions: Why they’re much cooler than workshops.
  • Do we have to be circumsized to be saved? Rethinking Acts 15.
  • Mel Gibson vs. Justin Kraft: Who will win?
  • File 852UY: Superstar FOCUS team infiltrates the KGB with spiritual multipication.
  • A Heureumenic Analysis of Rahnerian Eschatological Solipsism
  • So you want to be a eunuch? Rethinking Matthew 19.
  • Predestination: Why you’re in Bible Study and your friends aren’t.
  • Fun with Puns with Dr. Hahn:  It’s Scott to be Good!
  • Laser beams and the Vatican
  • Fundraising in Hawaii: “It was so much fun!”
  • Xtreme fasting: So extreme you don’t need the “E”
  • The “I-know-Tony-Ariniello-Show!”…overbooked and canceled.
  • Ways to Pretend You Belong in a Dorm.
  • RPGs and How to Avoid Them—By Off. Kuetemeyer
  • Why I deserve a Motorcycle—By Jim Jansen
  • Bishop Morlino vs. Bishop Chaput: Who will get the guys?
  • Lethal Weapon 5: How Mel Gibson told Jim Caviezel he won’t be in this one.
  • Dumb things that Eck and Horn did on a mountain this summer: a documentary.
  • The life of Shane Ortega, as mimed by Jim Caviezel.
  • Self-flagellation: Then and Now
  • Hippolytus: From Anti-Pope to Saint in 12 easy steps
  • Deep Blue: The Staring Contest Between Staples and Martino
  • “We Built This City on Rock and Roll: My life before Benedictine,” by Dr. Ted Sri